Cutting to the Heart of the Matter
by Starla26
Summary: "I...I really like it when you call me baby." she whispers, like it is a bigger secret than everything else that has been revealed tonight.


A/N: Ok, everything that has happened in season 6 up until just before Vincent dies has happened, but the actual happenings of the story are not after a particular episode and are kinda AU. Also, this is the first FanFic I have ever written so please review! **Warning**: subject matter includes self-harm, content may be triggering.

It was another long, lonely day at the Jeffersonian for Dr. Temperance Brennan. She had finished up her most recent case with Booth a little less than a week ago and hasn't seen him since. She's not sure if he is angry at her, or if they just aren't as close as they used to be.

Brennan gets in her car, ready to head home. Feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders and still worrying about Booth. She reaches into her purse and pulls out her often used razor blade. She knows she shouldn't be doing what she is doing, but she can't help it. Ever since she cried to Booth in the car about not wanting to have regrets she has been cutting herself.

She pulls up the long sleeve, takes the blade and makes a few long and somewhat shallow cuts on her left wrist. They bleed, but not profusely. She is very good about not cutting too deep. After all she wouldn't want to hit bone.

With a few stray tears falling down her porcelain cheek she wipes away the blood from her wrist with a tissue, puts her razor back in her purse and begins to drive home.

When Brennan arrives at her apartment it is close to 11:00pm and all she intends on doing is crying herself to sleep.

When she opens the door to her apartment she immediately notices her lights are on and the smell of her favorite pasta dish is in the air. She is curious as to who might be in her apartment at this late hour cooking, and even though they are not the best of friends right now, she can only surmise it to be Booth.

Walking into the kitchen, Brennan sees Booth stirring the pasta in a skillet and humming along with some song from her CD player.

"Booth?"

"Oh Bones! Hi! I didn't hear you come in."

"Booth, what are you doing in my apartment?"

"Isn't it obvious? Im making you dinner." He smiles his charm smile

"Yes I can see that. But why? And how did you know how late I was going to be?"

"I know you and figured you would be home late. As for the why...Bones, I...I guess this is an apology dinner. Im sorry for what I said to you before. I know you care. I was just having a really hard time with this last case. I don't like not talking to you or not seeing you, weather we have a case or not. And I figured since I wasn't there to make you eat that you have been starving the last few days!" he chuckled

"I have not been starving. I am perfectly capable of feeding myself. I am a highly intelligent adult Booth."

"I know you are Bones. I was just teasing. But seriously, have you had dinner?"

"No"

"Were you going to eat before going to bed tonight?"

"Well, I..." she sighs, "No"

"Exactly! Good thing I am here then!" he says, winking at her before pulling the pasta skillet off the stove and grabbing two bowls from the cabinet.

"Wow Booth, this looks delicious. You know this is my favorite dish."

"I know Bones, I know you remember." he says as he winks at her again.

"Well, you don't know everything" she utters under her breath as she gets them each a beer out of the fridge.

As they sit down on the couch and begin eating their dinner, Booth asks "So how are you Bones? I feel like we haven't talked in forever"

"Not talking for forever would be an impossibility Booth. Humans can not live forever, therefore no one can talk for forever, so it stands that no one even has the opportunity to NOT talk for forever"

"Bones"

"Right, well I am doing fine thank you. How about yourself?"

"Fine huh? He asks as he sort of gives her a caring once over. "I am doing pretty good Bones."

"Yes Booth, fine. and I am glad to hear you are pretty good. Are you good because you are dating someone?"

"Whoa, thats a big leap there Bones. No I am not dating anyone. I am just letting go of my anger and spending more time with Parker."

"Oh, ok, well how is Parker doing?"

"He is great Bones! He won the science fair for his grade level last week! I am so proud of him! You know he did his project on the human body. I think he was thinking of you when he decided what to do"

"Why would he be thinking of me?"

"Because he loves you Bones. He looks up to you."

"Oh. Well then tell him I am proud of him as well."

As Brennan says this, she reaches to put her empty bowl on the coffee table along with Booths previously discarded one. It is then that Booth notices her left sleeve ride up just a little. He sees what look like scratch marks. He instantly gets worried she was in a fight or something and neglected to tell him so he reached out and grabs her wrist for a closer inspection.

"Booth! Stop! What are you doing?" She tried to pull her wrist away but it was no use. Booth was determined to find out what happened.

"Bones! What happened? These cuts look fresh!" He stares at the cuts then looks up to her face. She is holding back tears and her face is flushed with embarrassment.

"Its nothing Booth. Nothing happened."

"Bones these cuts are all straight and in a neat little row" He pulls up the rest of her sleeve only to see some more faint scars, some older, some newer, on her wrist and upper arm.

"Oh my god. Bones. Are...are you cutting yourself?"

She looks away from him, one tear escaping her eye.

"Bones. Come on baby, look at me." he implores

She draws her eyes back up to his but still says nothing. He is still lightly holding her left wrist with his right hand, and then brings his left hand up to cup her cheek and wipe away the few tears that have broken free.

"What is going on? Why are you doing this and how long has it been going on?" he asks softly.

"I never meant for anyone to find out. Its my problem Ill deal with it"

"This is not just your problem, and we are going to deal with it together ok? I am here for you Temperance. You can tell me anything." he says as he runs his hands down her arms and eventually holds both her hands, resting over their laps.

She sighs and sniffles before she starts "Well, I guess it started a few months ago. I was sad and upset and I didn't understand what I was feeling and I just tried it. It helped me control the pain I wasn't able to verbalize and I started using it to cope whenever I was upset. Which has been happening more and more lately."

"Oh Temperance, I wish you had talked to me instead of doing this. Wait, a few months ago...you mean after the Laura Eames case?"

"Umm...well...yes"

"Bones...I...Oh man, was the first night you did this after I took you home in the rain?"

"Yes" she says even more dejectedly

"So you starting hurting yourself because of me?" Booth says as he visibly pales.

"No Booth! I chose to do it. I was the one who rejected you in the first place. I was just so overwhelmed and upset and mad at myself"

Booth sighed, knowing it was her choice, but still feeling a little responsible.

"So how often do you do this Bones? Is it always because of me?"

"I don know..a few times a week maybe. And Its not because of you! It is because of me! I can never be the person you need Booth, and I am so cold just like everyone thinks I am, you said so yourself after the last case! I am just sad and upset at myself and I wish I could be the type of person someone wants, but I know thats not the case. I am all alone and thats just how its always going to be." She tears up more as she softly says the last words

Booth takes on hand and lifts her jaw up so his eyes are looking into hers.

"Temperance, you are not alone. You are not cold. Maybe people who don't know you think that because you work with dead bodies. And I am so sorry I said that earlier, I was mad and tired and frustrated with the case, and I really did not mean it. I am so sorry."

He reached to stroke her cheek again then pulls her into a warm, tight hug and whispers into her ear

"I still love you Temperance. You are already the person I need you to be. There is nothing I want you to change about yourself. I want you, and I always will. As long as I am alive baby, you will never be alone."

Bones breaks down and sobs into his shoulder, clinging to him like he is the oxygen she needs to breathe. He maneuvers them so they are in a slightly more comfortable position on the couch, rubs one strong hand over her back and uses the other to smooth her hair.

"Shhh Bones. Everything is going to be ok. Its gonna be alright. Im right here"

she sobs "Im so sorry Booth"

"You have nothing to be sorry about sweetheart. We are going to get through this together"

She slowly stops crying and eventually looks back up at Booth

"Did you really mean what you said?"

I don't know what exactly you are referring to, but yes I have meant everything I said tonight."

"That..that you still love me?"

"Yes, of course I love you Bones.

"I love you too Booth! Im sorry its taken me so long to realize it. Im sorry for all the pain I put you though"

"We put each other through some pain. But now that we are able to be upfront about our feelings, I think we should just move on from the past and see where the future takes us."

"So we are giving us a shot?"

"Yes Bones. We are going to have a romantic relationship. And it is going to be the real thing. I promise you."

"I hope so. I want it to work Booth, I really do. I have never felt the way I feel about you about anyone else."

"Me either Bones. But before we get too carried away, lets talk about this cutting problem. Even though us not being together triggered you to start, I doubt just our being together will cause you to stop. I don't want to have a fight with you, make up the next day then see cuts all over your arm. We have to work through this, and the only way to do that is to work together...and maybe we should start seeing Sweets again"

"I think you're right. I want to stop, really I do, but it has become quite the addiction. I want us to be together more than anything, but I know you deserve better than some woman who slices her own skin open when she is hurting."

Brennan scoots back from Booth a little and looks down in shame. Immediately Booth pulls her back and tilts her head up to look into her eyes.

"You know, I do deserve better...But more importantly, YOU deserve better Temperance. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to not feel this shame and guilt all the time. If you are sad, mad, upset, emotional, whatever, I want you to talk to me. Tell me what is going on, and together we can work on getting you to a better place. Ok?"

For what seems like the first time tonight Brennan smiles and says "Thank you" as she leans into him for another warm and protective hug.

"Oh Temperance, I love you, and I have told you before, I would do anything for you. I would die for you, I would kill for you, and I will help you through this."

"I want to stop Booth. I do. Its just so hard. But, I think...I feel like with you by my side, that I can do anything. I am willing to go see Sweets and talk with him about all of this, but only if you come with me. I don't think I could handle it alone." She says snuggling up to him even more.

"Of course baby." He says as he softly strokes her hair.

"I...I really like it when you call me baby." she whispers, like it is a bigger secret than everything else that has been revealed tonight.

Booth smirks and pulls back a little, "Alright then baby" he winks, "its late huh, how about we get some sleep ok?"

She nods as they both slowly get up from the couch and move toward her bedroom, making sure to turn off all the lights as they go. It seems like an unspoken agreement that Booth will be sleeping over, and that tonight is not the time to start their inevitable sexual relationship. As they reach her bedroom she freezes when she realizes she will have to take off her long sleeved shirt to dress in her normal sleep clothes.

Booth notices her small mood change and walks up to face her. "Bones, I know what you are thinking, and it is ok. I already know about the cuts, and I am not going to run or be disgusted or anything just because I see them alright?"

He leans in and presses a short, sweet kiss to her lips and then slowly pulls her shirt over her head. He looks deeply into her eyes, then moves to softly kiss down her left arm, over every cut she has ever inflicted upon herself.

"I love you, and I want you to be yourself around me. If we can be honest with each other, and trust each other with everything, then we should never have anything to worry about."

"I love you too" she says softly, but so full of emotion.

He steps back and strips down to his boxers as she continues to change into just a loose t-shirt and her boy-short panties. They share a understanding smile as they climb into bed together. Booth pulls her in close and kisses her on the lips again. This time with a little more passion, but still one of the sweetest kisses Brennan has ever received. As they pull back she lays her head on his chest and they tangle their legs together like it is the most natural thing in the world.

"Booth, I really do love you, and I promise I will work hard to stop cutting. And...thank you for noticing Booth. It means more to me than you'll ever know"

"I really do love you too, and I am just sorry I didn't realize what was happening sooner. We will figure everything out Bones. We will. Now get some sleep beautiful!"


End file.
